Entry: Listening for the ring Mar 2, 2005



Waiting for your test results back from your doctor has to be one of the most challenging things when dealing with Cancer.  You have CT Scans, blood work, MRI's, etc. done and it takes about on average 3-5 buisness days to get the results back.  So after day 2, you get this deep pit in the bottom of your stomach, you can't sleep, you can't eat (except sugar and caffeine).  By day 3, you become a ball of nerves unable to concentrate, unable to be in the present because your mind is out there playing the "what if" game.   

Day 4, well the only time that I ever knew what it felt like to make it to day 4 without results was probably the most important results I was waiting for.  It was when I was waiting confirmation that I did indeed have Ovarian Cancer.  Day 4 came after my surgery and we still did not have biopsy results back.   I grew sicker and sicker and was literally a couch potato unable to communciate with the world.

Day 5,  my doctor told me that they wanted to do additional cross sections of my biopsies so we wouldn't have the results for another day.  Now I was going into catotonic mode, barely eating or sleeping or communicating....just waiting.  I remember just being on my own planet, feeling like nobody could reach me until the voice of my doctor was there to bring me back to sanity.

As I said, I have not made it to a day 4 in a while.  I am now here on day 3, I already know that my results are at the office.  I am just waiting for my doctor to have the time to check them out, and give me a call about them.  That is almost worse, because I know they are there, a piece of paper sitting on a desk waiting to be read.

Waiting, listening for the phone to ring ring RING DAMN IT

   1 comments

Louise
March 2, 2005   11:04 PM PST
 
Dammit. Ring already.

Like the song says "Waiting is the hardest part."

(really. it is.)

hugs to you Jen. You know I have my entire body crossed for you.

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