It is said that Ovarian Cancer WHISPERS, known as a "Silent killer."  The reason behind all of this quiet is because the symptoms of this cancer are vague and can be justified as other common female ailments.  The common hints that this cancer can be lurking about are: bloating, irregular periods, break through bleeding, constipation (changes in bowel habits), cramping, and lower back pain.  Unfortunately, often this disease will remain unnoticed because women aren't listening to their bodies and hearing these whispers that something is terribly wrong.

 

It was in mid-August 2003 when I began to listen....

I went to my OBGYN for a regular routine yearly visit.  As my doc was checking things out, she pressed around internally and on my abdomen, and at one spot I cringed.  The first whisper that I actually noticed.   In fact, I winced and am so thankful that she heard me and asked "did that hurt?"  If she hadn't asked me, I am not sure if I even would have spoken up.  Those three little words saved my life. 

 

She suggested I go for a sonogram right away, which I did the following week.  I wasn't even too concerned being I was only 26, and thought what could possibly be wrong down there???  I got a call from my doc two days later asking me in to see her immediately to discuss the results.  My anxiety began to increase.  She told me I had a complex cyst on one of my ovaries and it needed to come out IMMEDIATELY.  I remember thinking about that word, as if I had to run into surgery at that moment.  I asked her if this could be anything dangerous and she responded "At your age, very unlikely."  She referred me to an oncologist.  Well, if it wasn't dangerous WHY am I going to see an oncologist??? 

 

So I went, to see the cancer doc.  Who gave me an internal exam and said "hmmm I think what we are feeling could be endometriosis."  Now, he didn't say that it definitely was, in fact he was suggesting that I have a laparoscopy done just to get in there and biopsy to be certain.  But all my brain needed to hear was it could be something other than cancer, and I went with that.   

 

I spoke with a friend of mine, who I knew had struggled with Endometriosis and went to see her doc.  He looked at my sonogram and asked we do another one to compare.  He agreed it COULD be endo, and suggested I go on the pill for six weeks and then have another sonogram to compare.  He said "if it is endo, it will most likely shrink."  So, I went on birth control and came back to him and the sonogram showed the cyst hadn't shrunk in fact it had grown slightly.  He then agreed with the oncologist that I should have surgery to see what is going on down there....

 

As standard surgery prep, I had blood work done and my doc ordered a CA 125 count.  I didn't even know about it, or knew what it was until I got a call from my primary physician sounding concerned stating that this level was elevated and that is abnormal.  Now, a CA 125 is a Cancer Antigen blood level that can sometimes be correlated with having cancer cells in your body.  A normal level would be between 1 - 35.  Mine was 38.  Just to put that into perspective, some ladies have numbers into the thousands, and here mine is at 38.  AH, another whisper.  Nothing was yelling out YOU HAVE CANCER YET!  My doc said to me right before we scheduled a surgery date, "a 38 level could be anything, I am not concerned."

 

On December 29th, I was going in for this laparoscopy to see was this endometriosis?  OR something else?  As I woke from surgery, I remember my doc in my face telling me he biopsied a bunch of sites and that the initial results came back positive for "borderline Ovarian Cancer."  My response was "so I have cancer?" and he says "NO, it is similar but not cancer." 

 

Now I am thoroughly confused and I research this term and learn that "borderline" refers to the slow growing, non invasive type of cancer cells.  That it indeed was a type of cancer, but not "as dangerous."  Now the whispers are becoming louder and I start to really get concerned.  As I do more reading on the internet, and learn that I may loose my ovaries.  Not having had children yet, I grow more and more anxious at that thought.

 

I make several appointments with the BEST Oncologists in the area to see who would indeed open me up and go in and remove these borderline cells.  I decided to go with the Cancer King, Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.  I met with a surgeon and was scheduled for a laparotomy two weeks later.

 

On January 27th, I went into surgery again, this time a much more invasive procedure with intent to remove cysts, biopsy all over the place for additional cells, and try try try to leave me some piece of my ovary.  I woke up and learned that not only did I have Borderline Cells, but ALSO MALIGNANT cancer cells on both ovaries!  Now I am half conscious after surgery but there is YELLING in my ear, saying "Oh my god, I have CANCER."  My surgeon left in a quarter of one of my ovaries because he said it looks healthy.  He did though warn me that if the final pathology comes back positive the rest of that ovary should come out.  That is a lot of information to take in all at once.  My surgeon was very optimistic that he got all the Cancer out, and that I would recover and not need further treatment.  This made me somewhat relieved and able to get through the next few weeks of agony at home being bored and in pain from surgery.

 

I got a call on February 7th, that call was it.  The final pathology came back positive for Cancer cells in not only both ovaries, but in the fluid in my pelvis and in my abdomen.  I was told I was a

Stage IIIA.

As a result, I would need Chemotherapy to begin right away and also another surgery afterwards to do biopsies again. 

 

I remember feeling as if I had just received a death sentence.  I was so afraid of the future and what would happen to me.  How would chemo be?  Would I get real sick?  Would I loose my hair?  Would I ever be cured???

 

Well, on Feb 20th I met with my medical oncologist (who from the moment I met her made me feel strong and confident) and began chemotherapy.  I had six rounds of the Carbo/Taxol cocktail, once every three weeks.  I have to say, I really impressed myself during these few months.  I was like a high speed train and nothing was stopping me.  I don't even think I looked around during this time, I was on fast forward and I knew what my goal was and I didn't loose sight of it.  Even loosing my hair didn't phase me much, I became much more stylish and was forced to create headwear to compliment my outfits!

 

On June 8th finished up Chemo, as I watched my CA 125 shrink more and more down to a 16 - 12 - 9 - 8.  Had another surgery on July 6th which declared me NED (no evidence of disease)!!!  The hardest part was knowing that I will never be able to have a child of my own.  They had to take out my remaining ovary.  Thankfully, they left in my uterus with hopes some day I can implant a donor egg and still carry a pregnancy.  This was a really hard thing to hear, and to tell you the truth I don't know if I have made peace with this yet.   As thankful as  I was to be in good health, and done with chemo, I am saddened by this loss, the loss of my fertility. 

 

Now, It is seven months later, and the fear takes hold often.  I fear that I am not listening hard enough to my body and I will miss one of those little whispers and the Cancer will start to grow again.  My doc tells me I am in the 80 - 90% of the Cancer not returning.  I try to believe that.  But there is always that 10%.   I am on a routine of CT Scans every three months as well as a CA 125.  My last count was a lovely 5 and my last scan was clean.

 

I feel good, but am scared.  A feeling I was not to familiar with before.  Thankfully, I am becoming a better listener and I hope that other ladies out there will hear this and listen too -